I am not one to complain without good cause but the restaurant business tends to take a plunge during the cold months. All eleven of them up here!
Prospective diners prefer to huddle up in a warm house, hire a video, open a bottle of wine and order a takeaway.
Is it any wonder that so many of us are piling on the weight?
It only takes a quick phonecall.
Plates out. "Turn on the oven to keep the food warm when it arrives."
Cutlery out. "Don't forget the napkins!"
Crack open a bottle of wine.
30 minutes. Not a morsel of food in sight!
45 minutes. Irate phonecall.
"On its way right now, sir. The driver got lost."
Crack open another bottle of wine. Cheaper than the first one. One must always drink the better wine first. Allegedly, after the first bottle even vinegar tastes ok.
Can't resist a thin sliver of Camembert.
60 minutes. Knock on the door.
"That'll be £25, sir."
"Here's a tip for you: get yourself a GPS, mate!"
Tear. Tear. Tear.
"Why do they have to wrap everything so bloody tightly?"
"Hmmm. Do you remember what we ordered?"
"Er... Chinese, I think."
Two minutes later...
Back in front of the telly.
"Did you put the rest in the oven?"
"I think so."
The alarm goes off.
"Bloody Hell! Monday already!"
"No, you silly thing! It's the smoke alarm. Burnt leftovers. We must've dozed off."
Missed half the film.
Some guys are born lucky!
Algerian artist Souad Massi sings Mesk Ellil (Honeysuckle)