A series of anecdotes with or without any connection to the running of a restaurant.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Tourism as we know it...

You may remember my post about the interview for membership of our local Tourism Board (Area Tourism Partnership)...

Well, guess what? I have been accepted!


This is it...

Tourism, as you all know it is dead! I am going to turn it upside down!

I'm thinking about suggesting some giant patio heaters to cover the whole of Tees Valley.

Within a few months this stretch of the North Sea will turn totally tropical.

Palm trees, Bougainvillea and Cacti will be planted along the coast.

I will ask my friends in Algeria to send me 200 hundred Camels...

Why, Cream? You haven't started smoking again, have you?
No, I haven't, man... It's real camels that I need...
Beau Geste stuff and all that Saharan Jazz!

The next stage will be the building of a Disney-style park on the outskirts of Middlesbrough where local delicacies will be on offer to American tourists...
Whelk burgers and fries, Giant fish and chips and Yorkshire Puddings filled with T-bone steak and maple syrup, etc...
Have a nice day, chuck!

Andy Capp will be our local mascot and mother-law jokes will be included in the Charter...

Now, I would like my Blogging friends to come up with SUGGESTIONS that I can put to our Chairman next week...

Don't be shy, now! Anything will be considered except a DOME ...
(Trac, you can keep yours!)




Labels:

30 Comments:

Blogger euro-trac said...

OMG! If there is one thing in the world that I love (besides the King obviously) it's typography! The way you've written the word 'dome' made my heart miss a beat! Brilliant! :o)
***
Anyway.. yes I'll be keeping my dome! I love my dome!

I reckon Pie, Mash and Jellied Eels would go down well. Warm, Flat English Ale and life size card board cut outs of the King dotted around the entire area!
***
Congratulations on your new job!

10/6/06 12:00 PM  
Blogger cream said...

Trac, you're not gonna believe this! I have a life size card board cutout of the King at one of our restaurants. I shall take a photo of it!
Thanks about the job!

10/6/06 12:36 PM  
Blogger euro-trac said...

OMG Cream!!!!!!! How did you keep that from me all this time!!??

(I've gone slightly hysterical now!)

You never fail to surprise me! That is so, so brilliant!
Made my day! :o)

10/6/06 2:30 PM  
Blogger cream said...

The King has lived up there for the last 3 years!
I got him and Marilyn Monroe (She lives on another balcony) from a shop in Edinburgh...
Can you imagine carrying them along Princes St!
Wolf whistles and people stopping me to ask where I got them from!

10/6/06 5:05 PM  
Blogger Viking054 said...

No dome, eh? How about a good pyramid? Nobody's building those anymore...

10/6/06 7:28 PM  
Blogger Le Chat said...

Yes, how did you manage to keep quiet about the Giant Elvis?

Geordie/English bilingual signs would give the place a real sense of regional identity, just like Wales really. Mind you, it doesn't really work for Wales, does it, no-one wants to go there.

10/6/06 7:59 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

YOu're so funny! You never cease to make me smile. Congrat's on your new gig, dude! ;)

10/6/06 8:42 PM  
Blogger cream said...

Viking, What a great idea!
I'll see if I can sell the pyramid theme to my Chairman!

Kitty, I honestly forgot that I had a cardboard cut of Elvis until Trac mentioned it!
Bloody good idea, the signs but if they haven't worked for Wales, I have a feeling they won't work for the Tees Valley especially that Middlesbrough people can't stand being called Geordies!

Christine, I am delighted to put a smile on your face!
Thanks, Penny!

10/6/06 10:24 PM  
Blogger Le Chat said...

Can't they? Oh dear! I'm sure I've upset lots of people in my time then!!

11/6/06 10:22 AM  
Blogger Caroline said...

Can't wait for global warming eh?

11/6/06 12:56 PM  
Blogger homo escapeons said...

I like the camel angle. That way every day can be hump-day.
Get out your Foreign Legionaire costume and have a Humphrey Bogart cut-out beside the piano.
Play it again Sam burgers with a hill of beans as a side plate..

11/6/06 3:03 PM  
Blogger cream said...

Well, Kitty, it's definitely true! But don't worry! You being Swiss-French-Russian will be forgiven!

Caro, living in hope!

H.E. Humping Bogart couldn't stand still for as long as Elvis!

11/6/06 7:06 PM  
Blogger Mary said...

Congratulations cream! I am sure tourism will be never be the same w/your creative mind.

11/6/06 8:46 PM  
Blogger Calamity Tat said...

It's true she likes her typography! you have to watch your p's and q's with Trac around! What about a huge Poo tit bum bum?

11/6/06 10:53 PM  
Blogger Calamity Tat said...

Sorry I couldn't offer anything more construtive!

11/6/06 10:54 PM  
Blogger euro-trac said...

You have to watch your PTB's aswell! :o)

12/6/06 1:14 AM  
Blogger cream said...

Thanks, Mary! I just hope I can contribute a little bit.

Tat, a huge PTB might end up resembling a Dome and we really aren't into Domes...

Trac, I will mind my PTB's when you tell me why I didn't get a chocolate like Wendz!

12/6/06 11:44 AM  
Blogger Kingston Girl said...

The language issue is one that definitely needs some help... I remember starting uni and getting taken to wrong places as the taxi drivers and I couldn't understand each other. Then when i moved from Geordie Land to Boro, I had to start all over - maybe Babel fish are needed for all visitors.

12/6/06 2:41 PM  
Blogger wendz said...

Because I am special.

;-)

12/6/06 6:22 PM  
Blogger wendz said...

Trac don't you refute that! Scary fairy, remember...

12/6/06 6:23 PM  
Blogger lettuce said...

not allowing comments on your new post?.....

or is it just Blogger again?

12/6/06 6:58 PM  
Blogger cream said...

KG, that's the problem with languages! You think you've learnt one and then you forget about all the local accents!

Wendz, I am certain you are!

Lettuce, my own doing because the new post is just a continuation of this one! For once, Blogger is not guilty!

12/6/06 7:22 PM  
Blogger euro-trac said...

Oooops! Sorry! PTB - It was Cadburys! You have better chocolate in your restaurant then that! :o)

Besides - she's a scary fairy! She made me do it!

12/6/06 7:55 PM  
Blogger euro-trac said...

hahahaha! Great ending BTW to your once again brilliant YouTube!

12/6/06 8:01 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

Congrats, Cream! I'm sure you will come up with more than a few ingenious ideas!

12/6/06 10:47 PM  
Blogger hobbes said...

whohoo! I know where I'll be spending my next vacation then..!
:-)

13/6/06 1:01 AM  
Blogger cream said...

Guess what...On the mint chocolates we give out, it says "A mint of a restaurant!"
Must've been pissed when I thought of it...
I thought the ending might be a bit too gory but I'm glad you like it...
And Scary Fairy scares me, too!:o)

Thanks, Janet... I hope I can!

Hobbes, there's nothing like your part of the Caribbean, I can assure you!

13/6/06 9:54 AM  
Blogger lettuce said...

That is - no was - a very strange and not very mouse-like mouse.

13/6/06 1:36 PM  
Blogger wendz said...

I finally cottoned on to which video you lot are on about...sheesh..that's one scary mouse, dude..way scarier than my fairy...you're all just a bunch of wussies...shame on you...

what can I put up next..hmmmm..

*thinking*

13/6/06 3:25 PM  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

You already have llamas on Roseberry Topping. I didn't think things could get better than that.

I'd best get myself back up there before this hidden gem becomes internationally famous and full of tourists

17/6/06 8:26 PM  

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