A series of anecdotes with or without any connection to the running of a restaurant.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

My boyfriend is What???

Where else but in Magical Marrakech can one enjoy a spot of peaceful reading?
























I volunteered to interview Zoe's boyfriend for her new book My Boyfriend is a Twat.

This Twat comes from Ambleside in the English Lakes. (A few years ago, I lost an expensive camera in one of them!)
He was in mountain rescue. A few of them were in danger of crumbling.


Most of these gentle Lakemen hate the city. I know a couple who've never set foot outside Cumbria!
But, the Twat must have been really brave! He left the Lakes and headed for bloody Tanzania among other obscure places. Well, at least he must have felt at home surrounded by lakes, mountains and greenery.
A village chief christened him Quarsan but we all know him as The Twat.
Well, can you blame Zoe for calling him just that? The first time they met, he presented her with a bouquet of sausages!! What a guy!

I read the book and found a lot in common with the Twat. My Mediterranean-North-African-Macho alter-ego blushes in shame.
He left the North of England to go to Africa. I did the opposite.
Zoe says he loves Edinburgh. It is my favourite British city!
He knows the unknown Greek island of Evia and so do I.
He met a girl with three kids and so did I.
He's the boss in the kitchen... And guess what!

So here we go... My questions were BOLD.

1- Reading between the lines, I feel that Zoe does love you a lot really. Would you worry if she stopped calling you The Twat?
It's not what she calls me that bothers me, it's the volume.
There are indeed three sides to every argument. Yours, hers and hers...


2- Zoe says you hog the kitchen. Don't you trust her cooking?
Pissed women shouldn't cook.
It's dangerous. She refuses to do any cooking, so I do it. It's painful at times thinking of what to cook people and working out how many to feed. On top of that the kids like to eat 7:30 - 8:00 and Zoe at 9:00 but we must all eat together.
Have ever thought about running a restaurant?

3- I received two free copies of Zoe's book. Who do you think I should give the second one to?
Oxfam. Or security at Eurostar so they can stop her entering the country and bothering innocent people.
Which country? England or Belgium?


4- I didn't know Evia existed until a Greek friend of mine invited me to visit his home on that island. What took you there? And do you know what Zoe means in Greek?
I went to visit my brother in law's parents. Zoe in Greek means trouble.
You know that Zoe means life. But as they say Life means life... Good luck, my friend!

5- Who would you like to play you and Zoe in the film version of the book?
If it was a musical I'd be tempted to cast Amy Whitehouse and Meatloaf, but for a film, why not go for it: Kylie and Jason.
I knew you couldn't help mentioning Kylie! I just hope Zoe's not too jealous...


Buy My Boyfriend is a Twat '>here!













Labels: ,

62 Comments:

Blogger Daphne Wayne-Bough, said...

Heheh, you've been photoshopping my friend. I've just discovered how to use the computer to improve my life, I've replaced Harold by George Clooney in all our old holiday photos.

For the film I would suggest Renee Zellweger and Bill Oddie.

22/11/07 11:37 AM  
Blogger Queenie said...

Superb, made me giggle.
Just one thing were the sausages raw?

22/11/07 12:45 PM  
Blogger Akelamalu said...

LOL - I bet the books good!

22/11/07 5:13 PM  
Blogger Edvard Moonke said...

what do you mean, you received two free copies? I received none!

p.s. should that be Amy Winehouse or Mary Whitehouse? ;-)

p.p.s still loving the cesaria evora song...

22/11/07 5:14 PM  
Blogger Cream said...

Daphnée, I was reading the Daily Mail really but I did doctor the photo a little. Q looks lost in Tanzania.
Bill Oddie indeed!!!

Eeh, Q! I really wonder...

The book is mad, Akela. Makes a great Xmas present.

The publishers sent me two copies by mistake. Should I do two reviews?
I hope Zoe doesn't read your comment, Marcos.
Cesaria sings beautifully, doesn't she?

22/11/07 6:07 PM  
Blogger ValGalArt said...

Absolutely hilarious! I love this guy even if he is a Twat... I like his brutal honesty! Great interview Cream and the illos are perfect!

22/11/07 6:53 PM  
Blogger zoe said...

Cream, I have just got home - what a superb interview and thanks so much for participating. You probably received two copies of the book due to the postal strike ....

I love the photoshop - it's all good!

Thank you again:)

(will blog about it tomorrow - if you don't mind.)

22/11/07 8:19 PM  
Blogger Merisi said...

Hm, which of the photos did you shop? Can I use my American Express for this. Or is it priceless?
Cesaria does indeed sing beautifully, thanks for letting us listen to her!
As to two copies of a book, you make me want to wish for a strike by the Austrian Postal Authorities (or whatever they call themselves).

23/11/07 12:00 AM  
Blogger Cream said...

Val, I never thought I'd hear you say that word!

To have been invited to review your "Mad" book was a great honour, Zoe.
I really loved it. Laughed my head off all the way through.
Much of the stuff the Tw@t gets into reminds of myself.
I have come to the conclusion that most of us men are tw@ts and those who say they aren't are the biggest ones!
As for the second copy of your book, I shall give it to my daughter who runs a women's refuge in Durham. It will definitely cheer them poor souls up.

Merisi, I used Corel Painter to play about with the photo above. The photo was taken in Marrakech and I was reading an English newspaper at the time.
You can use any card you want just click on the "OUT NOW" sticker on the sidebar.
Cesaria is priceless...

23/11/07 10:57 AM  
Blogger Sal said...

>So here we go... My questions were BOLD.

oh i don't know. they seemed quite reasonable to me.

23/11/07 3:13 PM  
Blogger Cream said...

Well, they were written in BOLD, weren't they?

23/11/07 6:18 PM  
Blogger Guyana-Gyal said...

The next thing you know, he'll be in Cosmo mag. as the New Man. Heaven help us women. Oh Lor, but he's hilarious.

Cream, I love that pic. you did!

23/11/07 8:02 PM  
Blogger homo escapeons said...

Creamster...this is HUGE! You are on the very cusp of being hounded by the paparazzi!


My belief is that because you are such a cosmic mensch that the stars line up and grant you the opportunities reserved for those kind hearted souls who are here to enhance out time on Earth.

You are literally one of the few who we can all embrace and bask in your gentle glow. What a hoot interviewing the Twat in the flesh. Awesome. What a coup!

I just want you to know that I can actually experience your genuine spirit of adventure from thousands of miles away..I am so glad that I met you.

You make my world a better place.

24/11/07 6:42 AM  
Blogger Cream said...

Gigi, I really think he IS the new man! And yes, most women's magazines worth their salt are going to clamber over one another to get to this Guru!

HE, you are so generous my friend.
Yes, one has to have a great spirit of adventure when one is freezing one's ass in a cold office. Where to next?
Great to know you too!

24/11/07 10:07 AM  
Blogger Mary said...

I hope i will be able to get this book.

24/11/07 2:40 PM  
Blogger Cream said...

Mary, I'm sure you'll love it.

24/11/07 7:46 PM  
Blogger ValGalArt said...

Hey, i thought that was his name? I actually use a lot of bad words dear Krimo...

25/11/07 8:34 PM  
Blogger Cream said...

Hahaha!

25/11/07 9:59 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

I'm interested. I have to read this. :)

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