A series of anecdotes with or without any connection to the running of a restaurant.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Home Delivery

I am not one to complain without good cause but the restaurant business tends to take a plunge during the cold months. All eleven of them up here!
Prospective diners prefer to huddle up in a warm house, hire a video, open a bottle of wine and order a takeaway.
Is it any wonder that so many of us are piling on the weight?

It only takes a quick phonecall.

Plates out. "Turn on the oven to keep the food warm when it arrives."
Cutlery out. "Don't forget the napkins!"
Trays out.

Crack open a bottle of wine.
30 minutes. Not a morsel of food in sight!

45 minutes. Irate phonecall.
"Feed me!"
"On its way right now, sir. The driver got lost."

Crack open another bottle of wine. Cheaper than the first one. One must always drink the better wine first. Allegedly, after the first bottle even vinegar tastes ok.
Can't resist a thin sliver of Camembert.

60 minutes. Knock on the door.
"That'll be £25, sir."
"Here's a tip for you: get yourself a GPS, mate!"


Tear. Tear. Tear.
"Why do they have to wrap everything so bloody tightly?"
"Hmmm. Do you remember what we ordered?"
"Er... Chinese, I think."

Two minutes later...
Back in front of the telly.
Munch, munch...
"Did you put the rest in the oven?"
"I think so."

The alarm goes off.
"Bloody Hell! Monday already!"
"No, you silly thing! It's the smoke alarm. Burnt leftovers. We must've dozed off."
Missed half the film.

Some guys are born lucky!

Algerian artist Souad Massi sings Mesk Ellil (Honeysuckle)

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Blogger andrea said...

Been there, done that, but I didn't laugh as much. :)

28/11/07 8:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to admit to loving a good chinese takeaway - massively calorific and munchable, but leaves you satisfied for a mere half an hour, so I end up cooking myself something any way.

28/11/07 10:03 PM  
Blogger zooms said...

Come to the Caribbean for winter, preferably in walking distance of our house, or ,better still, open your restaurant in our house.
Souad Massi is welcome too.

29/11/07 1:06 AM  
Blogger Hayden said...

too funny, too true!

29/11/07 5:20 AM  
Blogger Cream said...

Glad to make you laugh, Andrea.

You're right, FH. Best to do it yourself in the first place.
Soups and stews are the in-thing at the moment.

OK, Zooms, I'm coming. Glad you like Souad.

Hayden, I don't believe you get takeaways!

29/11/07 9:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

good because I just spent an entire afternoon making a MASSIVE cauldron of brilliant miscellaneous soup. I also made an awesome chili con carne with (probably) a whole bottle of red wine in. Hic.

29/11/07 5:55 PM  
Blogger Akelamalu said...

I can't believe you're ordering take-aways Cream! Good tip about the wine.:)

29/11/07 7:56 PM  
Blogger Cream said...

FH, a cauldron, eh! BTW, wine is not to be wasted on chili...

Once a blue moon, Akela. I prefer to go out for meals.
Glad you liked the tip.

29/11/07 9:05 PM  
Blogger Queenie said...

Very rare we have a take a way, once maybe twice a year at the most. Not wanting to sound like I'm blowing my own horn, but Math prefers to eat food made at home (he could be saying that so he does not have to put his hand in his pocket)! Mind you I love to cook with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food.

29/11/07 10:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is if it's cheap rubbish and you're a student. Chili is the food of the gods to a starving girl-away-from-home :)

29/11/07 11:27 PM  
Blogger Cream said...

Hahaha! You sound like Floyd, Q.
One glass in the food and two for him.
I think Math knows which side his bread is buttered.

29/11/07 11:29 PM  
Blogger Cream said...

The food of the Mexican gods, eh, FH. I like chili con vino too. May be called chili but it is quite warm...

29/11/07 11:32 PM  
Anonymous christine said...

Thanks for visiting my blog! All your food pictures make me hungry. Our newest foor option here in Point Reyes is a very good Chinese take-out located in a big red truck....it's called the Chinese Chuckwagon! What a riot! I have to admit that I indulge quite often since I don't have a real kitchen...cooking on a hot plate gets to be a drag.

30/11/07 2:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

warms the soul/cockles-of-yer-heart etc. :)

Of course, I'd much prefer to eat your photos.

30/11/07 4:50 PM  
Blogger Guyana-Gyal said...

Moral of the story...eat all the food right away, haha.

It's sunny here, cool and lovely thanks to winter up north [big happy beaming smile]. But, anyway...this is what I think of as winter food, thick hot soup with loads of veggies, nice hot chunky bread. Mmm, the thought of it makes me want winter [for a day].

30/11/07 7:17 PM  
Blogger Location said...

Here's the final rabbit punch to the takeaway experience: the doorbell rings. You and your mates are all half cut having waited an hour. You pay the guy, take the food and shut the door. Thirty seconds later the doorbell rings again. The delivery guy is standing there looking apologetic, holding a £10 note.
"I'm really sorry, but I shoved the money straight in my jeans without looking, and when I got to the gate I looked and you only gave me a £10 note not a 20."
You protest, you know it was a 20, you had it ready for him, but he's really insistent that it will be taken out of his wages, and getting a little bit threatening, and even though there's three of you and one of him, you suspect he might come back with his mates, with weapons, so you give him another tenner to go away.
It sobers you up pretty fast though. Moral: get him to sign a receipt.
Thanks for changing the music! Didn't know Souad Massi - Arabic fado jazz, very interesting! Do you know Safy Boutella? Algerian jazz saxophonist, did a great album with Khaled.

1/12/07 9:03 AM  
Blogger Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Oops that was me "Location", spilled some red wine on my keyboard and it's been behaving erratically. Now it's being sick and moaning "never again ..."

1/12/07 9:36 AM  
Blogger Cream said...

Welcome, Christine. No real kitchen?

I shall be doing a post about soup, FH.

Gigi, the moral is that some people are too lazy.
You are rubbing it in about the heat and so was my cousin when I rang this morning. He was relaxing on the roof terrace in a T-shirt looking out on the snow-capped Atlas mountains. Argh!

Location? It should be Lickation, Daphnée. You'll have to lick the keyboard.
The trials and tribulations of home delivery. I've heard them from both sides.
Glad you like Souad Massi.
I have heard some of Boutella's music. Really good.

1/12/07 6:46 PM  
Blogger Hayden said...

you're right, cream, but I used to when I was living in the city in the center of a fabulous restaurant area. The variety within a 3 block walk in any direction was wonderful, and the quality extremely high. It's the only thing I miss about that life.

1/12/07 11:05 PM  
Blogger ValGalArt said...

you will have to live in Cali for the winter where it never snows and rarely rains... hilarious post!!!

2/12/07 11:13 PM  
Blogger Merisi said...

"Mi fa ridere, bestemmiare, piangere ... " - mamma mia, che ragazza! :-)

As for take-out food:

I rather brave the cold and rain to eat out. My kids on occasion order Sushi.
I don't like it. What for did Italians invent spaghetti all'aglio e olio? Tastes always best when you are hungry. ;-)

4/12/07 9:33 AM  
Blogger Cream said...

Yes, nothing better than a simple pasta with simple ingredients.
I like penne swirled with a touch of olive oil, a spoonful of pesto and a pinch of chili flakes. Mmm!

4/12/07 5:23 PM  

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