A series of anecdotes with or without any connection to the running of a restaurant.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Iced Cream...

Woke up this morning feeling fine...
I defrosted my car with my brand new electric de-icer which plugs into the cigarette lighter. (£2.50) Worked a treat!

As I neared the gym, my mobile rang. It was an irate woman who lives above one of the restaurants.
"Your alarm has been going off all night!" This was 8am. The poor woman musn't have slept a wink.
Two minutes later I parked my car and rushed towards the restaurant door. My feet went one way, my arms flapped and all I wanted for Christmas was a soft landing!
One minute I was happy and the next I was flat on my back, wondering whether anyone had seen me and was already laughing their heads off.
I got up in pain. My back hurt (You have jarred your back, Mr. C! The physio will say.)

I stretched my arms, bent down and tried in vain to kiss my knees. What I saw on the ground made even more irate. I had landed in pile of dog shit! I screamed in anger but nothing came out.
After switching the alarm off I telephoned the irate woman and apologised profusely, promising a slow death to whoever had not checked that the fire door had been left ajar.
Bravely and very carefully I got back in the car and went for a swim and long session in the jacuzzi. By noon, the whole town will get to know about my fall. You see, when I start, I gush...

Well, at least this has taken my mind off more Chrismasitical matters.


Blogger Chill Daddy said...

Very cartoonish situation. All it needs is an anvil flying out of the upstairs window while you're lying there in pain.

22/12/06 10:29 AM  
Blogger Antipodeesse said...

You get my vote for Best Blog Post Title for this month!

22/12/06 11:57 AM  
Blogger QUASAR9 said...

Glad the de-icer works.
Guess this is a busy time for you
So here's wishing you season greetings for the holidays.

Peace, Love & Happines to All!

22/12/06 12:02 PM  
Blogger Mary said...

When it rains, it pours. Poor Cream.

22/12/06 12:39 PM  
Blogger Cream said...

CD, a great way to start the day! Yes, I think I need an anvil to fall on my head these days!

Antipo! Welcome to my parlour! Rum and Raisin? Cone or wafers? Glad you like it!

Q, it is...for the rest of the team. I just tweak stuff now and then.
You, too have a fantabulous time!

Well, Mary, it's even worse when the rain turns to ice.

22/12/06 1:33 PM  
Blogger Caroline said...

Glad the alarm wasn't for anything more serious! I suppose if it had been a fire she'd have been glad to have been awake... or was it a burglar alarm?

Hope your not feeling too bruised.

22/12/06 3:16 PM  
Blogger andrea said...

Consider your karma debt paid up and now you can have a wonderful, relaxing holiday, Cream! Ho ho ho.

22/12/06 4:25 PM  
Blogger Hayden said...


no fun.

but you make us laugh as if it were.

22/12/06 4:52 PM  
Blogger Cream said...

Yes, Caro, I am glad we didn't get burgled. Actually, only my ego is bruised.

Andrea, that's my motto, what goes around... You too have a great holiday!

Hayden, glad you had a giggle! I still laugh at what happened.

22/12/06 5:24 PM  
Blogger Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Did you have to drive to the gym in your undies so as not to get dogshit all over your car seats?? Now THAT would have been hilarious. Especially if it was snowing.

Sorry, it's just my warped sense of humour.

Boyau Joel.

22/12/06 5:40 PM  
Blogger Cream said...

I thought that would tickle your fancy, Daphnée!
No, I cleaned myself up after the grovelling phone call.
It is not snowing here, just ice everywhere.
Last day at work? Any Christmas Spirit imbibed?

22/12/06 6:18 PM  
Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

All that you needed to complete the scene were the Keystone Cops coming around the corner!
I feel your pain, honestly I know what it is like to do a complete alley-oops.. but the dog shit!
I'm sorry but that is just too much.
(I'm not laughing honest I'm not)

Andrea is right you should be good-to-go for atleast a week..
so go ahead and chase black cats under ladders all you want!

You have had quite a year old chap and I will raise a glass to you this week and marvel at how nice guys do come in first!
Sante et Joyeux Noel!

22/12/06 6:39 PM  
Blogger Caribbean Colors said...


22/12/06 6:43 PM  
Anonymous guyana-gyal said...

Every cartoon network will be calling you for the rights to this soon. You'll be famous. Squashed Cream. Creamed Cream. Bugs Bunny can play you. Or Elmer Fudd or Wile E Coyote. How about Spongebob Squashed Pants?

22/12/06 6:59 PM  
Blogger Cream said...

H.E. My right hip is aching but my back is ok. So you can laugh! You know what? I walked past that pile of dog shit so many times this week and cursed the owner every time.
One of them years indeed! You have yourself a great Noël too!

Lee, I really don't know whether I said Shit, Merde, Mierda, Merda, Khra, Skata or something like "Goodness Gracious Me!"

Gigi, I always thought you were so compassionate! Squashed Cream, indeed!!!
Bugs will do!

22/12/06 7:33 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

Oh my Cream, *giggles You poor man! Here's to the shitty days making the great one's that much better. Glad you're ok.

22/12/06 7:44 PM  
Blogger LDahl said...

Nope, can't call you Buggs... you know that was my nickname(then imp)

Everyone sing....!!

Ohhhh, who has a restaurant down by the sea?
SpongeCream Poo pants! SpongeCream Poo pants!
He fell on the ice for everyone to see...
SpongeCream Poo pants! SpongeCream Poo pants!
He's so embarrassed and somewhat confused....
SpongeCream Poo pants! SpongeCream Poo pants!
By tomorrow he'll be all blue with a horrible bruise!
SpongeCream Poo pants! SpongeCream Poo pants!
If slapstick timing is your comidic wish...
SpongeCream Poo pants! SpongeCream Poo pants!
Then fall on the ice and make your pants squish!
SpongeCream Poo pants! SpongeCream Poo pants! SpongeCream Poo pants!

SpongeeeeeeCreammmmmm pooooo paaaaaaaants!!!

da ta da teedah!! Da!

(don't hate me...)hehehe!

22/12/06 11:14 PM  
Anonymous guyana-gyal said...

Oh I am, I am Cream, quite compassionate, but I saw that you're okay and not hurt and you went swimming. Hug hug.

What I'm curious about is this...how can the alarm be switched on if one of the doors is still open?

23/12/06 12:31 AM  
Blogger ValGalArt said...

Oh poor you! What a morning. You really needed a swim after that! I hope you have a sweet holiday though!

23/12/06 12:56 AM  
Blogger Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Just to cheer you up, here's a little ditty I found on the website of the Chez Leon restaurant, anyone who's a fan of Brassens will crack up at this ditty by Les Snuls

23/12/06 8:58 AM  
Blogger Cream said...

Christine, I agree. You have to wade through the crap to get to the good.

L, (Buggs) that was absolutely mad!!! I loved it! "If slapstick timing is your comidic wish..." I have always wanted to be a clown! I am getting there!

I know you are, Gigi, I know you are. You've got me puzzled about the alarm. I shall have to investigate and report back, Miss Security Expert!

Val, you too have yourself a great holiday!

Daphnée, hilarious is not the word! It was amazing and I can't believe you can have such a song on a restaurant's website. And Brassens (along with Brel) is my idol.

23/12/06 10:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorry about the shit - I was desperate

23/12/06 10:30 PM  
Blogger DCveR said...

Hi! Just dropped by to wish you and your loved ones a Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year!

23/12/06 11:18 PM  
Blogger Cream said...

Thanks, Mutley! I can hear your funny laugh!!!

DC!!!! Nice to hear from you, mate!
All the best to you and GH!

24/12/06 12:11 AM  
Blogger Shyha said...

Merry Christmas!
We are used to say that the one will be wealthy when (sorry for beeing that straight) the bird make a shit on him (in the eye to be precise). It looks like you've been chosen! As for me, it's a sign of good things that are about to happen! I wish you all the best!


24/12/06 11:11 AM  
Blogger Cream said...

Yes, we say something similar here. Hope that you've finished University for the holidays, Shyha.
All the best for Christmas and the New Year.

24/12/06 11:28 AM  
Blogger dip-dop-crabtree said...

Pass from happy spend and are happy in this end of the year.

In a friendly way

24/12/06 11:49 AM  
Blogger Cream said...

Vous aussi, Dip-dop! Je vous souhaite un très joyeux Noël and une Bonne Année!

24/12/06 1:03 PM  
Anonymous guyana-gyal said...

Not an expert, Cream...many folks have alarm system set up.

Ours is linked to a security firm...if it goes off, they phone us. I hope no one was trying to sneak into your restaurant.

24/12/06 1:40 PM  
Blogger Mary said...

Hi Cream,
Just wanted to drop by and wish an enjoyable and peaceful and stress-free holiday!

24/12/06 2:00 PM  

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