A series of anecdotes with or without any connection to the running of a restaurant.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I am in a jam...

I tried to have a long break from blogging I nearly ended up having a breakdown instead...
I am going through something, which no Mediterranean macho man would ever confess to having: Depression! I'd always thought it was something associated with PMT...

This morning...

"Moi, depressed? Are you joking?
So, why do you say you keep bursting into tears for nothing?
Well, pressures from here and there! But I can cope!
So, why do you sometimes think about driving into the marina?
I wouldn't do it. It's just a daft thought. And anyway, the marina is so full of crap, I'm sure the car wouldn't sink...
So, why did you come to see me then?
I just wanted to talk to someone. I feel I am in a jam, Doctor..."

Talking of jams, my mother made many delicious varieties.. Home from school. A slab of home baked bread, fresh butter and copious amounts of quince, apple or fig jam. Ahhh!

At boarding school, coarse marmalade was always on the breakfast menu. Some of us gobbled a couple of spoonfuls, squeezed the juice out of the shredded zest and then spat the rest out. That tasted something like a sweet Orangina! Heaven!

While at Algiers Uni, I often visited my brother. Once, raking through his cupboards, I came across a jar of my mother's grape jam! Wow!
I opened it and nearly got knocked back by the alcoholic fumes oozing out of it. I had a few spoonfuls, no bread! And I can assure you, I got a bit tipsy...

Nowadays, I am no longer a great lover of jam really, although I have often been caught spooning some out of the jar after a few glasses of red wine... Brings back memories...

I am still in a jam...but I'm glad I'm not having such a bad day after all...


Blogger LDahl said...

Well of course you are, poor darlin' ... but you are very strong if you can admit it. You are a surviver, and you are trying to come to terms with some BIG questions. Keep on keeping on Cream... let me ask you this, what makes you most angry?
What else did you hear when you read that?

My mother used to make Sandplum jam... I still dream of the smell of it cooking.

28/11/06 11:43 PM  
Blogger Modern Viking said...

Mmm... Makes me think of my grandma's rhubarb jam... I think it's mostly sugar, but still... Mmm...

29/11/06 3:10 AM  
Blogger Mary said...

I guess we've all been there so don't feel alone. You'll work it out I am sure. I know it's not easy though.

We used to have grapes growing in the yard when I was a kid. My mother used to make grape jam and grape pie (believe it or not this is very good pie). Once she burnt a batch of the jam. This was my favorite. Burnt grape jam. I was a sad child when it was all gone.

29/11/06 12:18 PM  
Blogger Caroline said...

Cream - if you are the sort of depressed I'd guess you are do some private writing to get to the bottom of it... don't show it to anyone.. its process that matters here...

And your Jam is wonderfully synchronous - yesterday in a fit of self-nurturing I made toast and marmite and read one of my favourite books from my childhood - "The Queen's Flowerpot" - and I'd forgotten about the jam... the batty witch is trying to make strawberries but instead makes apricot jam with sardines in the bubbles!

29/11/06 12:46 PM  
Blogger Cream said...

L, the one thing that makes me mad is that I have often ACTED happy with my lot...
What I am really angriest is the inability to change things without hurting others...

Viking, sugar and spice...And all things nice!

Thanks, Mary.
My mother's grape jam fermented after my brother'd forgotten about it for a year or so.
Burnt grape jam conjures up mulled wine, I don't know why.

29/11/06 12:47 PM  
Blogger Cream said...

Thanks, Caro. I will give that a go.
Apricot jam with sardines! Sounds yukky! Might stick it on the menu!

29/11/06 12:51 PM  
Blogger homo escapeons said...

Having dealt with it I can only offer this simple advice...dig deep, find out the W5s...then write out your wishlist...scratch off the pie in the sky crap and circle the real world goals...make a list, make a plan and take the first step towards it.
Once you have finished looking back on the what ifs and the woulda/coulda/shoulda's FORGET THEM!

Time is linear and it only goes in one direction..and we don't actually have much of it to squander.

29/11/06 4:51 PM  
Blogger Guyana-Gyal said...

My heart goes out to you, Cream. I agree with Caro about the private writing. It's helped me a lot to sort out my head. I don't think, I just write, let the words flow. I'm amazed at what I see.

What helps too is to have a list of Goals and Tasks...that is, things you want to achieve...and things you need to do to achieve them. [Hm, I need to look at that list again, soon.]

I love jam and cripsy toast and tea!

[Can't see those You Tube things].

30/11/06 10:49 AM  
Blogger Cream said...

HE, I have been looking for the W5s since yesterday and I've just found them: Why, why, why, why and why?
At the moment Time to me seems like a spiral edging forward very slowly. Thanks.

Gigi, write but what about? Every time I begin to write the ink gets smudged...
I can see the goal but there are so many players in front of it that I might miss it altogether.
For them You Tube things, you'll need something like Quicktime I think.

30/11/06 11:03 AM  
Blogger Trac said...

Now listen here Cream!
(Yes I'm shouting because I have PMT!)

There will be no talk of driving into marinas - what the hell do you think will happen to your Elvis Airfreshener then? :O)

30/11/06 11:11 AM  
Blogger Cream said...

Trac, before I take the plunge, I have something to get off my chest: Elvis has not only lost his perfume but also his arms...

I wouldn't dump my lovely car, really, I was just kidding

30/11/06 11:46 AM  
Blogger Ale said...

here is your REHAB program:

1. check yourself into a SPA for a full day of pampering! facial, massage & a mud wrap... why not?

2. take yourself on a shopping spree for a few brand new outfits in colors or styles that you have never considered wearing before!

you'll be like a whole new man that's a GUARANTEE!!!

30/11/06 5:20 PM  
Blogger Caroline said...

Cream - just write - even if you are blurring the words.

Have a go.


30/11/06 5:43 PM  
Blogger Cream said...

Ale, that was good! I already feel so much better! Thanks!
Except that I feel like a new woman, now! Are you sure it was supposed to be for men?

Caro, thanks again. I will do my best and see what comes out. xxx

30/11/06 6:03 PM  
Blogger Guyana-Gyal said...

Yes, Cream. Just write, don't think, just write. Honestly, it helps. I've smudged the ink too [literally] and I wrote about that too, cursing the ink and the pen, haha.

30/11/06 7:04 PM  
Blogger Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Un p'tit chanson de la Mome, selon la methode de Dip-Dop ...

Allez venez! Milord
Vous asseoir à ma table
Il fait si froid dehors
Ici, c'est confortable
Laissez-vous faire, Milord
Et prenez bien vos aises
Vos peines sur mon cœur
Et vos pieds sur une chaise
Je vous connais, Milord
Vous ne m'avez jamais vue
Je ne suis qu'une fille du port
Une ombre de la rue...

Pourtant, je vous ai frôlé
Quand vous passiez hier
Vous n'étiez pas peu fier
Dame! le ciel vous comblait
Votre foulard de soie
Flottant sur vos épaules
Vous aviez le beau rôle
On aurait dit le roi
Vous marchiez en vainqueur
Au bras d'une demoiselle
Mon Dieu! qu'elle était belle
J'en ai froid dans le cœur...

Allez venez! Milord
Vous asseoir à ma table
Il fait si froid dehors
Ici, c'est confortable
Laissez-vous faire, Milord
Et prenez bien vos aises
Vos peines sur mon cœur
Et vos pieds sur une chaise
Je vous connais, Milord
Vous ne m'avez jamais vue
Je ne suis qu'une fille du port
Une ombre de la rue...

Dire qu'il suffit parfois
Qu'il y ait un navire
Pour que tout se déchire
Quand le navire s'en va
Il emmenait avec lui
La douce aux yeux si tendres
Qui n'a pas su comprendre
Qu'elle brisait votre vie
L'amour, ça fait pleurer
Comme quoi l'existence
Ça vous donne toutes les chances
Pour les reprendre après...

Allez venez! Milord
Vous avez l'air d'un môme
Laissez-vous faire, Milord
Venez dans mon royaume
Je soigne les remords
Je chante la romance
Je chante les milords
Qui n'ont pas eu de chance
Regardez-moi, Milord
Vous ne m'avez jamais vue...
Mais vous pleurez, Milord
Ça, j' l'aurais jamais cru.


Eh! bien voyons, Milord
Souriez-moi, Milord
Mieux que ça, un p'tit effort...
Voilà, c'est ça!
Allez riez! Milord
Allez chantez! Milord
Ta da da da...
Mais oui, dansez, Milord
Ta da da da...
Bravo! Milord...
Encore, Milord...
Ta da da da...

30/11/06 7:23 PM  
Blogger Tess Tennison said...

Sorry I have been very neglectful. Will email you later.

Everything will be OK. Trust me, I'm a doctor, remember?


30/11/06 9:50 PM  
Blogger Trac said...

Yes Cream, she's a doctor! I wonder if she can fix arms?

Hang on a minute!? I never get six kisses. Six? Hmmmph!

I think I might rip the arms off of my Elvis Airfreshener!!!

30/11/06 11:59 PM  
Blogger hobbes said...

Lots of chocolate. Dark. with wine. Works for me.

1/12/06 1:12 AM  
Blogger Hayden said...

sometimes depression is a way to make you stop and pay attention to things you are pretending are really ok...

I love jam. My mom made jam, I still make jam. not often, because there's no one to eat it, but now and then. It's like pure heaven; it's like sunshine and childrens' laughter in a jar.... there is something innocent in the purity and strong ripe flavor of homemade jam.

1/12/06 2:23 AM  
Blogger Christine said...

I almost woke up the house laughing at that video.

It takes an honest man to open up, Cream. We've all been there or are there at the moment. You're a good strong man and you'll get through this. Talking about it will help you see things more clearly. It's so hard to think when your mind is so full and complicated.

Wine and a bubble bath for me. It's the only place that I have to myself. Best of luck, my friend.


1/12/06 5:24 AM  
Blogger Cream said...

Gigi, you still use ink and pen? Last night I wrote a few menus. I felt a bit better but I was so hungry!!!

Merci, Daphnée.
"Mais vous pleurez, Milord,
Ça, j' l'aurais jamais cru."
Moi, non plus....
Je rêve d'une Vie en Rose...

Kitty, I remember and I trust you but don't worry at all. Thanks. X

Don't you dare, Trac! My Elvis lost his arms dancing and cuddling.xxxxxxx

Hobbes, the wine is gushing! Must get some chocolates.

Thanks, Hayden. You are so right! You also said in your email:"It feels different when you are working hard to build something than when you are working only to hold on." I think this applies to so many things. Thanks for your wise words.
I think your description of jam is beautiful and... sweet...

Thanks, Christine.
Strong, I'm not sure but I hope I'll get there one day.

1/12/06 9:47 AM  
Blogger Trac said...


1/12/06 7:38 PM  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

How about taking a stroll up Roseberry Topping with me and a llama when the weather's warmer. x

2/12/06 10:08 PM  
Anonymous cream said...

Cherrybabe, I am really allergic to heights but a stroll with a darling llama, I am all for! x

2/12/06 11:09 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home